Monday, September 11, 2006

woke up in the morning. there wasn't any peace at all. there were some mis-communication between my mum and sister. my mood was a little affected, but i was alright after a while. began smiling throughout the morning for don't know what reason. hmms. maybe it's because today's the first day of the term...

lessons were super bored. teachers weren't teaching. so i spent part of my time doing my chemistry revision, and the remaining time... i spent it in lalaland. haha!!! school ended. gera and nannette were waiting outside our school. it was meant to be a surprise for us, but i found out when i called her. LOL!!! went to westmall coffee bean to study. it was super cold there can... i'm glad that i finished 103mcqs on organic chemistry. it was my greatest achievement throughout this year. haha. went home at around 6++pm.

i was so happy to go home at first. cuz dad told me that mum won't be cooking tonight. and so, i assumed that they have bought lots of food from outside. but i was disappointed when i reached home. they weren't at home... i felt so cheated can. told me to go home early, made me had such high expections and yet... haiz. forget it. should have stayed out a little longer.

ate as i watched tv... dozed off awhile while i was eating. haha. sounds ridiculous right??? but i just did that ridiculous dumb act. went to meet bing and rong at bing's void deck. on my way down, i saw a person who looked so damn identical to noel can... but i was rushing, cuz i didn't get to see clearly. after confirmation with my sister, it wasn't her. bing and rong walked very slow... we chatted till about 11pm then we went home.

i don't want to be alone. it's frightening. tragic thoughts flashing in my mind uncontrollably. pessimistic stuff will come crashing in my heads... everything has became so different within months...

i tried to erase some things off my mind,

but i couldn't.

i don't want to get myself involved anymore.

i've had enough!!!

i don't wish to run away from it.

i'm tired.

i wish i could cry

just cry my hearts out and let everything pass.

but i couldn't.

my obstination made me shut my eyes to the reality,

made me look away from what's going on

and even made myself fall so deeply

so deeply that i couldn't bring myself up anymore.

i want to let go...

i want to end them once and for all.

but i know i'll regret...

what should i do!?!

i can smile to anyone at any point of the day, but whenever night falls and i'm alone in that room, i can only sense the coldness within me...

11:29 PM ;